Monday, July 07, 2008

Agent Provocateur

Well who would have known there was a standard query format to follow when I penned this somewhat tongue in cheek post? The things you learn on the way to fame....

I have a friend who describes herself as Fifi’s Feeder. She doesn’t bring me custard squares or berry friands, which is just as well, because they are my downfall. No, M. finds interesting links for me by which I might become famous. Most recently, she found a New York agent calling for romantic (even erotic) fiction and knowing I am penning a bit of chick lit, passed it on. Well, I had just seen 'Sex and the City' and saw how easy it was to be a writer there. Why one just has to wear Manolo Blahnik shoes, whilst sitting on your bed with an ibook and the rest is easy. I was up for it! Knowing how publishers are inundated with crap neck deep from every would be writer I sent this polite enquiry to submissions@groovyNYagent

Hi there, I am living in New Zealand with a chic lit novel on the go. I am 30,000 words in and writing. I'm a published junior fiction novelist here but this is my first foray into this particular genre. Feedback I have had is positive enough for me to wonder if you might think so too and care to see some pages and a synopsis. Nothing ventured and all that. Cheers Fifi”

Four days later I got this reply:

Thank you for submitting your work to GNYA. While we enjoyed reading your submission, it isn't something that we'd like to pursue at this time. Please keep us in mind for future projects. We wish you the best of luck in your writing career.
Regards, Groovy NY Agent”

So, undeterred and just a little affronted I responded in my own typically diplomatic kind of way which some of you have come to know and love.

But I didn't submit anything yet! How could you enjoy reading it? Wow, talk about jump the 'go away' gun honey. You have no idea what you may have missed.”

Three days back came this:

“Thank you for submitting your work to GNYA. While we enjoyed reading your submission, it isn't something that we'd like to pursue at this time. Please keep us in mind for future projects. We wish you the best of luck in your writing career.
Regards, Groovy NY Agent”

Which leaves me wondering if the agent is actually a real gal in NY at all. Maybe she is a purple rinsed granny in Minnesota pretending to lead a fantastic life in the big apple and writing a blog about it. Or perhaps she is a literary chick in New York, found her own ‘Big’ and married him, and never needed to deal with authors again. What a fairytale!

So on that note, here is a romantic poem for you. I know Bill Manhire will never be reading this (phew), but a whole lot of lovers of doggerel will http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doggerel x Fifi


Bodice Ripper

I thought I'd write a novel;
A really steamy story,
And on the wings of romance,
Would rise to fame and glory.

The heroine I had in mind,
Curated modern art,
Whilst trapped inside a marriage,
To a passionless old fart.

The hero was pure beefcake,
With a body made in heaven,
She met him on a canter,
Down in picturesque North Devon.

With throbbing bits abounding,
Fine art and equine mingling,
They embarked upon a tryst
That set the reader's senses tingling.

Then somewhere in the writing,
I began to lose the plot,
When the hunk fell for her husband
And the butler saw the lot.

Then my love lorn lonely lady,
And the horse both got the pip,
Much like me, when I received
My tenth rejection slip.

2 comments:

Bookman Beattie said...

Love it !!

Vanda Symon said...

Brilliant!